Designing Mama

5 Things I want to tell pregnant women after my Stillbirth

Luana Cardenas19 Comments

First of all I kind of hate you. Let me explain, I don't mean it in the actual "hate" hate way, but kind of in the way you hate the girl across the room with the kick ass shoes you know you can't afford. I know it doesn't make any sense... am I seriously comparing a baby to shoes?! I'm not even that big on shoes. The point is, when I see a pregnant woman, there is a small percentage of me that is, well, a little jealous. I am very well aware of how awful that sounds. I don't know any other way other than keeping it real on here. I constantly pray for God to cleanse my heart and remove all this nastiness that my grief has caused. However, It is a daily clean up job and very strong feeling resurface when I see someone who has something that I dream about the most.

When I see pregnant women, my first instinct is to literally drop everything and run. I want to run away. I want to hide. I want to disappear from this planet until 1. All the pregnant women go away or 2. I am pregnant myself. Again, I know, just awful. I slew of feelings come up and I just want to run up to these random pregnant women and shake them and tell them exactly what's on my mind!!! (Please keep reading so you don't think I am completely crazy)

1. One out of eight women suffer from infertility. One out of four of those women will have a miscarriage or a stillbirth. And this does not include neonatal death caused by SIDS or other freak accidents and health factors. So basically, Do you know how extremely lucky you are, lady!?!

2. I also want to tell her to enjoy her pregnancy. Yes, morning sickness, fatigue, back pain, swollen ankles, gas, heartburn, headaches, trouble sleeping and countless other inconveniences are all a pain, and I know from experience how annoying they can me. But I learned these are all very small prices to pay for such an amazing prize. Don't take this amazing experience for granted. Wear cute bump huggin clothes, rock a stomach bearing bikini, post shameless selfies and be thankful for every God damned second of this baby inside your body you sexy human creating beast. 

3. I want to tell you to look at me. Like, really see me. Please understand that although I don't have a gorgeous pregnancy bump, I used to. Although I don't have any children with me, I was suppose to. Don't assume I don't have any children because I do. My son is not in my arms, but he lives in my heart.

4. Are you monitoring your babies sleep schedule? Does your baby move more particularly after you have a certain something to drink or eat? Take the time to get to know your baby. Are you excersising and eating healthy? Are you getting enough sleep and drinking TONS of water? And lastly and most importantly, are you counting the kicks!? Get the app and freaking track your babies movements. Don't think your easy going pregnancy is a sign that nothing will happen (Like I did). Unfortunately, nothing is guaranteed and things can take a turn for the worst when you least expect it. Disaster sees no age, no race, religion or social class. Stay on top of your Doctor and do not hesitate to go to the ER if you feel anything is off. Knowing what can or cannot go wrong will be priceless. knowledge can save your babies life. This is your pregnancy, be in charge.

5. Lastly, I may or may not be rolling my eyes at you because you are simply glowing and beautiful :)!! You have been hand picked to be this babies Mommy and that is practically a miracle. You are carrying an amazing gift.