Precisely on Solomon’s birthday on August 29th, we had just gotten back from a cruise to the Bahamas. We decided to go on a little get away to escape the real world as I “celebrated” one year without being with my son. Although something truly terrible happened to our family, we have come such a long way, I have conquered so much. I have learned what it means to truly humble yourself and surrender to God... a lesson I am still learning and living every single day.
Solomon’s birthday was also a special day because I was coincidentally also expecting AF. At the time, I thought this could be a sign! I was so excited to test because I was so hopeful and almost sure that God was going to give me a BFP for my angels birthday! The night before testing, Lucas and I both had very vivid dreams of waking up and seeing those two pink lines. But we got a whopping BFN instead.
On the way home from the cruise… I was livid. I mean, what is f%#@ going on!? Im the healthiest I’ve ever been! My cycles are perfect, I have plenty cervical mucus, we’ve been hitting the sack on all the right days… 12 months should be more than PLENTY of time to conceive again. So right then and there, on solomon’s birthday, I called my gynecologist and set up an appointment.
It was a difficult appointment because the doctor told me everything that I didn't want to hear. He threw words around such as Secondary infertility, unexplained infertility… and the worst words I could possibly hear at the time…. Fertility clinic. Darkness set over me as the doctor told me that he simply couldn't help me anymore (He had already prescribed me Clomid in the beginning of the year). He explained that he is a doctor of pregnant mothers, not to mothers trying to get pregnant. So he referred us to the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist), it was so heart breaking.
We started with a very expensive test cycle. CD3 labs, HSG, CD 21 progesterone... all came back normal. Although I was relived that nothing seemed to be wrong with me, Nothing could have prepared me for the results of Lucas’s Semen analysis. In lamest terms… His sperm SUCKS. 0 morphology (That means all of his swimmers are deformed/ very difficult to penetrate the egg) and 10% motility (Slow af sperm that dies before it can reach the egg) to be exact. His sperm is the reason we took four years to conceive Solomon. His sperm is the reason I still don't have my rainbow baby. I know some of you may be asking, What about Solomon? Wasn't he conceived naturally? Yes, our sweet Solomon was a pure miracle. I don't know why he had to go, but my only rational explanation is that he was simply too perfect for this world.
So here is the shortest Timeline in Infertility history
- August 29th (Solomon’s birthday): We set up appointment with the Gynecologist
- September 5-8th: We are at the fertility clinic running all the tests/ We find out Lucas’s sperm is shit
- September 19th: We visit the Sperm specialist (Urologist) and the prognosis is not favorable for conceiving anytime in the near future (Lucas needs to have vericose surgery and up to a year of holistic treatments and improvements are not guaranteed). Knowing our history of infertility and loss, the Doctor gave us our IVF blessing
- September 28th: I am on a plane to Colombia for my first IVF cycle
- September 29th: IVF Cycle day 1
Well, that escalated quickly! I often wonder if I have jumped the gun a little bit. But IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) with ICSI (IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection) was such an easy decision to make. 21 years ago my mother in law conceived Lucas’s little brother via IVF in Colombia through INSER (in English) with Dr. Fidel Cano. She still had his contact and after getting in touch he agreed we could start as soon as my next cycle! I couldn't believe it, I was so happy! IVF in Colombia is also so financially accessible as apposed to in the states. We quickly got a replacement for me at work, and here I am writing from the beautiful Medellin, Colombia!
I am so extremely blessed an thankful for the opportunity to finally conceive our rainbow. Dr. Cano and his staff have surpassed all my expectations! We are cautious and aware this may not work the first attempt, but we are so very hopeful that it will!
You can follow my journey on my blog Instagram.
Please keep us in your prayers!